THE LOADING DOCK FULL

There has got to be a way to bust down that door of 'not enough' and have an overwhelming amount of abundance. I have a difficult time requesting money for work and I see that people around me in life have a similar problem. I need to take my life to the next level. Today, I have several jobs, a photo that just sold at auction, a relationship that I am nurturing, a home I love in a city that I still love, good family and friends around me, good health, and yet I do not have enough funds to live or totally enjoy the time with people. How I can live for eight years in this city, with one job that I did not love so much in a variety of relationships that worked and did not, with enough money to go out several times per week and spend hundreds on clothing, books, electronics, wine, and music. I wonder how I am going to make it from here to there. I have faith in the good of humanity and a higher power that is leading me on my way. I am grateful for all of these amazing things I am doing now: a photographic documentary of a theatrical production organized into a graphic book music video and film stills music documentary of shows & festivals publicity shots of corporate and gala events managing a ukulele hip hop musician medical photography being a girlfriend, a friend, lover, support, daughter, sister, artist, healer, and woman. I move my candles and start to meditate/pray/cry. Roberta Flack is close-by but I am keeping her at bay. I am listening to records until the tape on my turntable starts screeching: Eva Cassidy, John Lennon & Yoko Ono, and Atlantic Pacific.

So I work, look for jobs and delve into music. I had a moment when I looked at my cat and thought: I do not even have enough cash this month to fill my cupboards or buy you enough of what you need. I love spending time with kids, but at this time in life I do not have what it takes to care fully for myself, let alone someone else. My boyfriend asked if it made me want a child. I took her by the hand and walked and danced with her, on the sidewalk and on a treadmill inside a sports store. It was amazing - babytime! I truly love kids- their life, their spirit, their love, laughter, and curiosity. I met with an old childhood friend, her hubby and their adorable 2.5 year old daughter. I'm trying the same, but today is hard as I feel I am not giving myself a better life. Hippie chick living on a small island, hers is up in Maine, trying to make life even better for those around her. They are the dreamers, the future of this world.

THE LOADING DOCK FULL

I kept thinking of how amazing college kids are! How expressive and full of live, thought, and inspiration. She taught herself Illustrator & put this together. It was a photographic journal of the children in Africa that she worked with and I could not believe my eyes. After I asked her what she likes to photograph we went to her bag and she pulled out a book. I have not felt so inspired by someone in quite a long time. Julia is a college student up to a huge life. One young woman came up to me and asked some questions about my camera, lighting, and photography. Their adorable, ever-present parents and cousin and girlfriend were there, amongst the many amazing people that came. It was a great event, put on by a dear friend, Caitlyn Hardy (sister of my soul-brother Shane). It's sad, but they have compassion for the people torturing them. Yesterday I photographed an event for Survivors of torture - many enlightened Buddhist monks end up in NYC after being physically & emotionally tortured. Months ago I took my blog off, today I am inspired to write. and live the bi-coastal lifestyle w/my darling.

following my next dream, life on a tropical island where i can learn healing. i think i did every single thing i've ever wanted to do in nyc, which is a pretty damn cool feeling. loved ones, music concerts, random human interactions. many things i will leave here, and many things i will miss. Hawaii is just a bit farther away, but with so much to offer for me. likely moving to another island to study acupuncture. relishing in a moment of sheer bliss and looking forward to the many changes in my life. Today, i totally feel on top of the world, though i know everything is temporary. sad love moments i can do without but it was a part of me at the time. thank you bjorn for inspiring me to re-load my blog for you to find an artist & for me to realize all the amazing musical input i had on here. no real need to publish things on here, but general update. This blog seems like lifetimes ago, so many things i went through, mud i swam in and almost sunk in.

The loading dock